I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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