She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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