This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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