Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
