you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
