shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
