I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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