1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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