Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
