Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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