why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
