My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
vagina is talking i cant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
