I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
