I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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