Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
