oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
