Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
