Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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