you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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