By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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