he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
