Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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