found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
