Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
