They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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