see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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