HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
