At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
