i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
