How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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