I can tuck mytits in my pants
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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