We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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