My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
