it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
