I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
