I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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