we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
