Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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