Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize