Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dear god my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
