I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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