I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
