Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
