I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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