I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
