cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
