The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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