community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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