We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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