I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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