he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
