dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
