i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
