Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
