found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
