Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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