he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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