I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
