if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
