I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
