i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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