I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
