I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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