Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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