i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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