you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
