dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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