Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
