Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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