If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
