seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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