that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
