How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
