i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
