I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
