In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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