What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
