why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
