either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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