i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
