if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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